Memories from today that I want to keep forever

* Julia, sitting at the kitchen table, looking over at me with a grin. She is dressed in a fabulous outfit, picked out all by herself, complete with green and red christmas socks, pink light up shoes she calls her "glass slippers", and a homemade crown. Yes, today, she is Cinderella. Again. And I am once again privileged to play the part of her charming prince. Perhaps later we will dance together in the living room, dubbed "the Ballroom", to some of her favorite christmas music, as we have done each day this week. For now, I simply revel in this vision of innocent Julia sweetness as I sip my cup of coffee from my christmas tree mug.

* I walk through the mall surrounded by children. Jade is in the stroller, dressed in a frilly pink outfit, her long bangs swept up onto her head with a bow, like a little pink christmas present all wrapped up for the holiday. Jacob and Joshua, my little men, walk on either side of me chatting away happily about everything that pops into their minds. They each sport a Burger King crown on their heads, as do I, for we are royalty and know no shame. Julia trails slightly behind us, humming happily to herself. Strangely, person after person suddenly exclaims "Merry Christmas to you!" as we go by, and I realize that she is greeting every single person she sees with a sweet little "Merry Christmas!" It is amazing what affect it has on people. Grim expressions turn bright and cheery, serious concentration becomes simple pleasure, and each face becomes just a little younger, just a little happier for having touched her innocent joy. Jacob and Joshua are soon following suit, and soon my children have become a force of nature, a tornado of Christmas cheer overturning bad attitudes as we roll through the stores. I silently observe, a crooked grin on my face, and thank my Father in Heaven that these children, these amazingly beautiful souls, are with me.

I'll have a blue christmas...

Boy, I am stressed about Christmas. Worse, I am stressed about being stressed about Christmas. Seriously, there is nothing worse than being stressed about Christmas, except, perhaps, being reminded by people, plays, and various commercials that it is evil to be stressed about Christmas and that good Christians never allow the holiday to be marred by the worldly inability to simply enjoy it in a constant state of peaceful euphoria. Never mind that it is basically the responsibility of the mom to make sure that Christmas is every bit as special for our kids as our moms made it for us when we were growing up. We somehow must take this responsibility upon our shoulders so easily and effortlessly that we make everything completely wonderful without ever ever stressing at all. Well, I am just not that good. I admit it. I am completely stressed out, overwhelmed, and otherwise resentful of the world for continuing to turn while I play catch up to try to get everything done on time. Seriously contemplating lacing the christmas cookies with vicodin...

My fav lance and lacey dances

And no, I don't mean a potato chip.

There is a chip in my sink.

Did you know that God told Adam that Eve was to be his "helper"? Yep, that's right. Now, I will admit, this used to peeve me quite a bit. I mean, seriously? That's what we're here for? To "help" our man? I mean, what about saving the world? Discovering the cure for cancer? Teaching the future generations? Becoming president of the U.S.? Well, now I've come to realize that God knew we were capable of all of these, and had lots of this sort of thing planned for us. But when speaking specifically to Adam, He surely understood the self-centered nature of man and told him just the part that pertained to him. Like, ok Adam, as far as you're concerned, this chick is great because now you have someone to keep you in line and prevent you from making a complete ass out of yourself. Which, let's all admit, men seriously need.

So, with the creation of woman, man finally had someone to watch his every move and tell him when he is about to do something completely idiotic. Here's the problem though: men don't think they need any help. It's like Adam heard the word "helper" and thought it meant "slave" or "servant." He's only to willing to have someone to do all the stuff he doesn't feel like doing. "Great, God!" he thinks. "Now I have someone to 'help' me clean the house and 'help' me make the dinner! Awesome!"

However, what I think God meant by the word "helper" is someone to, um, I don't know, actually help you with the things you're doing. Like, say you need to carry something big and heavy across the lawn, in the front door, and up the stairs. Rather than putting your back out proving what a big strong idio...I mean, manly man you are, you could ask your "helper" for some "help" carrying it. Or say you are working on a sticky problem that you just can't think of an answer for, you could try listening to the suggestions your "helper" makes rather than treating her like a little kid (Ok, that's nice honey, but you just don't understand. Now why don't you just run along and play with the kids while I solve this problem myself...). Or here's one: Let's say you're working on putting in a new bathtub, and your helper suggests, like, 100 times that you cover the other surfaces in the bathroom and don't just plop your big, heavy tools around every which way, potentially resulting in injuries to a previously perfect, say, sink, perhaps it would be better to heed your helper's excellent advise instead of shaking your head over her insane need to point out every possible thing that could go wrong.

Yeah, that would have been "helpful."

God of Heaven, come down

Lord, I seek not to fear the future.


I do believe that God is in control here on earth. Even when it seems as though the dark one and his armies are winning, I know the truth. Christ wins. Period. :)

And, you know, I am truly excited about the possibility that it happens sooner rather than later. Yes, that would mean great difficulties ahead, but, can you imagine being here to witness the second coming of Christ? Being alive to actually see it? Every christian since the apostles has longed for that privilege. Could we be among the chosen ones who are to stand with His armies and witness His coming?

How exciting would that be?

God of Heaven, come down, Jesus, come down!

It's the end of the world as we know it....

...but, God is still on His throne, so I feel fine. You know, I was talking to Jake earlier tonight, and I mentioned that Obama was probably going to win, which vexed my dear oldest son greatly. He was visibly upset by this news, and I felt I needed to talk about how we're all Americans and that no matter who wins, a whole bunch of people are disappointed and that all of those disappointed people need to support the new president anyway, since he is our leader. I realized as I said it, that, yeah, I believe all that, and I will try to support Obama as my president, although I feel his moral fibre is as weak as that of a cheap silk shirt from the farmer's market. I then told them that what we can do as christians is to pray that God will change his heart, that he will have a life-changing moment in which his eyes are opened to the truth and he sees life as the precious gift from our creator that it is. God can do it for a murderous convict, He can certainly do it for the most liberal congressman in these United States. And that is what I will do going forward. I will pray each day for Barack Obama, that he will become the kind of moral, christian, life-affirming president that we need. He may not be on the right side now, but God can do anything, and God is still on the throne.

Trick or treat!

Here are some of the pictures from last night. It was a wild time at our house! Jacob was a grizzly bear, Josh and Julia were both jungle cats, and Jadey lady was a horse. Julia absolutely loved trick or treating! And everyone adored her. How could you not?

Jewel-ia

Ah yes, the differences between girls and boys. So I go into Kohls yesterday to buy some new shirts for Jacob (who inexplicably grows out of his clothes constantly. Boys will bankrupt you on clothes, not because they are fashion hounds, but because they grow too darn fast! But I digress...). Not three steps in, my little Julia shrieks with delight and runs across the store to gaze lovingly into the jewelry counter. Caressing the glass as she walks the length of the display, she proclaims "I hope I can wear each one of those!" She looks up at me, eyes glittering happily, and I realize that I am in biiiiiiig trouble.

This is the girl who is inherently obsessed with all things shoe. When she was only 18 months old she once followed a strange woman all over Chuck E Cheeses because she just had to have a closer look at her awesome leopard-skin heels. This she did not learn from me. I'm one of those people who owns four pairs of shoes: one for each season. And who only buys them from Payless. Or occasionally Target if they're really on sale and mine are like completely falling apart. Suffice it to say, Julia already owns many more pairs of shoes than I have ever owned in my entire life.

And now jewelry too? Sure, I may have been able to say no to her this time, but you know what those sparkly eyes are going to do to her father. Clearly I will have to invest in a larger jewelry box for her. And perhaps start selling my organs on the black market...

The truth about infanticide and Obama

http://pro.lifewithchrist.org/permalink/42693.html

http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=28926

And check this out. Obama actually stated signing the Freedom of Choice Act, a law essentially outlawing all state laws restricting abortion, would be his first priority if he's elected. His first priority. So, we actually have to pray to God that this guy is a liar. If he is honest, then he will personally undo all of the forward motion we have kicked and screamed to get in the past thirty years. Just like that.
http://www.lifesitenews.com/ldn/2008/jun/08061010.html

I am terrified.

Part 2: Chorus Concert

The boys were part of a homeschool chorus last year, and we all got to see them at their end of the year concert in the spring. I was really thrilled to be able to experience this, since it's one of the things I have missed most about not being a part of the public school system. The boys did a good job and enjoyed themselves, but they both wanted to take this fall off from chorus. Not sure they're ever going to have the same passion for performance that their mommy has. That ok , though! I'm sure I'll get at least one ham out of this crew!






Any guesses which one stole the show?

A matter of life and death

Well, if you were watching the debate last night, you were a witness to this fact: Barack Obama strongly supports the "right" to have an abortion, even going so far as to be against a ban on partial-birth abortions and against legislation requiring doctors to give care to babies who have somehow survived a botched abortion, all because he felt those laws would "undermine Roe v Wade." He also admitted that, in reference to the appointment of supreme court justices, "it is true that this is going to be, I think, one of the most consequential decisions of the next president. It is very likely that one of us will be making at least one and probably more than one appointments and Roe versus Wade probably hangs in the balance" and that "I am somebody who believes that Roe versus Wade was rightly decided."

So, is that clear enough for you? He so thoroughly believes in the fact that Roe v Wade was right, and that women should have unfettered rights to abort their babies that he would absolutely choose supreme court justices that would uphold it. In his own words, "Roe versus Wade probably hangs in the balance." This is a man who said in a speach that he would not want his daughter to be "punished with a baby" if she had pre-marital sex. We're not talking about abortions for the sake of health or whatever. We're talking about convenience abortions. We're talking about a man who thinks a baby, a BABY, is a punishment rather than a human being who deserves a chance to live. He would tip that "balance" he speaks of so far to the left that it would prevent us from overturning this horrible decision for years to come. How many more babies will be killed due to this man becoming president?

Listen, if you're already passionate about voting for Obama, fine. I understand that nothing I say will sway you, and you can make the decision your conscience sees fit to make.

But if you're someone who is not passionate about him, someone who is on the fence or simply would rather not vote at all, I beg you, for the sake of the pro-life movement in this country, for the sake of the thousands of unborn babies murdered every year, please please please do what you can to prevent this man from becoming president. Please, vote for McCain/Palin. It is abortion, it is genocide, and it really is a big deal.

Memorial Day Pictures

Ok, I am going through my photos (finally) and I have decided to post them, even though they are a bit late. So, I present to you all:

Our Summer, A Photo Review

part 1: Memorial Day Parade

Honestly, the parade itself was a bit too boring to take pictures of. But our family? Now there's something worth photographing! Especially those kiddos!

Welcome

Hello. I have noticed some new people venturing into my space, so I thought I would reiterate my opening message from day one of this blog:

Ok, so this is not the sort of blog that, say, my sister, my mother-in-law, or any other reasonable person I know would do. (Ok, I personally wouldn't call my mother-in-law reasonable, but some people would.) It's not a family update blog or an opinion blog or a how's-my-day-been blog or whatever. It will be some of each of these, and a little of something else. Mainly, it will be a look into that frightening place that is my inner me. Oooh, ick, I know. Who wants to see the inner anybody? Not really a top desire today. I personally would rather stick my hand into a blender than to see the inner feelings of, say, my mother-in-law. So, feel free not to bother reading. I just feel like having an online diary. And if you know me and decide after reading whatever drivel comes out of my head that I am, in fact, nuts, well, it took you long enough to figure that one out, didn't it!

There. Now you all understand what I'm doing here. These are my inner thoughts/emotions/opinions/fears/joys/everything else laid bare before you. If you choose to judge me, go for it. I can take it. If you choose to worry about me, please don't. These are just the things everyone feels from time to time. I'm just being a lot more honest about it than most people. Mostly, I hope you simply choose to find some nugget of truth that makes you feel a little less strange about being, um, strange. For we are all strange in some way or another. Claim your strangeness. It's what makes you you. This blog is about what makes me me. Unapologetically.

That being said, WELCOME! Come in, sit down, have a cup of coffee or wine, toss in an opinion or a comment, whatever. Oh, and don't be frightened that I will jump down your throat for disagreeing with me. I only do that to my sisters. And, occasionally, my dad. But they all deserve it. :)

Laughing uncontrollably in the middle of the library

Guess what?
Today Julia wrote her very first word on the computer!
All by herself!
The bad news?
It was also her very first swear word!
That's right.

After leaving her side for a moment while her game loaded up, I returned to find her proudly pointing to the "name" she had typed into the sign-in page:

ASS

So the question is, was she commenting on her feelings towards having to wait for her mother to get around to finally signing her in?
Or am I seeing early evidence of an impending low-self-confidence-identity-crisis?
No honey, you're not an ass! You're a lovely, sweet, intelligent little girl!
And yes, perhaps I am a bit of an ass for making you wait, but, you know, that sort of commentary is really not allowed around here young lady. At least, not until you're old enough to publish your own mommy-dearest memoir.

Either way, I have to say, a word at age two? I'll take it! What, you think it was a coincidental random concoction from tapping toddler fingers? Sure, and next you'll be telling me that a room full of monkeys could write shakespear's works if given enough time. Pshaw

picturas de mis hijas favoritas

Presenting today's craft, modeled by one very proud little crafter. Yes, I know it's a bit early for turkey crafts, but she wanted to so badly...




The youngest chica had a bit of excitement today, too. Her very first rice pudding! Hands, face, arms, hair; she is an equal opportunity messer!


Did I whet your appetite? (no pun intended) In the next few days I hope to be piling on the pictures from this spring and summer. I have been a tad, um, lax in this area for some time, but, do not despair dear friends. You shall be all too sick of the sight of my family soon enough!

How many books can YOU hold on your head?

It's time again to bore the heck out of anyone out there who isn't into homeschooling. Yes, that's right, the semi-annual curriculum talk. Sorry people, it simply must be done.

Ok, so this is what our school week looks like at this point.
Monday: Math, writing, reading, spelling, science, piano lesson, Lego Robotics class at the Y
Tuesday: math, writing, reading, spelling, science, geography, Yoga for the boys
Wednesday: math, writing, reading, spelling, history, Soccer practice
Thursday: math, writing, reading, spelling, history, latin, swimming at the Y
Friday: math, writing, reading, latin, bowling, evening at mom and dad's
Saturday: Soccer game
Sunday: church

Not bad, not bad. I don't think we're overwhelmingly busy yet. I'm working hard at trying to keep things fairly sane while also allowing the boys enough outside activities to keep things interesting for them.

Our curriculum choices so far (these may change as the year progresses):
Math- Horizons
Writing- The Paragraph Book
Reading- library books
Spelling- Sequential Spelling
Science- Real Science 4 Kids
Geography- state and world workbooks
Language- Sign language using Signing Time dvd's
Latin- Prima Latina and Latina Christiana
History- My Book of NY State History, Story of the World 1


The overall theme of this year is, now that we're beginning middle school, let's start all over again from scratch. They're re-learning the art of writing, re-learning the fundamentals of spelling, learning (for the first time since mom has been, um, a bit lax in this area) the basics of our world and state geography and going back to the beginning of time in history. Science is probably the most intense and stretching area, as we're delving very deeply into the three main sciences through this fantastic science curriculum, Real Science 4 Kids. It is the first science I've seen for kids this age that isn't dumbed down, overly general, or, on the flip side, way too dusty and dull. It's very exciting stuff. Other than that, though, the idea is less to build and more to blast out and re-pour a better foundation of education in all areas. Except, of course, for our math, which is always building, building, building on what has come before...

So far, so good, although we're only a few days in. I'll keep you updated. (Aren't you excited?)

Got me

"Julia! Julia, come here baby.
Julia?
Here you are. Honey, did you hear me calling you?"
"Yes."
"Ok, well, when you hear me calling you, you need to come to me. Okay?"
"Okay! Try again!"
"Try again?"
"I'll go on the porch and you call me again!"
"Oh, you want me to call you again so you can come?"
"Yep!"
"Alrighty. Go ahead."
pitter patter
"Ok Mommy!"
"Julia! Julia, come here!"
"In a minute!"
*sigh*

re: questions about whether Sarah is a sister in Christ

Kindly refer to this link

http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid1766638341

You go girl

What does it mean to be a woman?
What does it mean to be a feminist?
Does it mean you must be pro-choice, pro-gay, pro-change, pro-hillary?
Does it mean you must believe in abandoning your family values for the sake of "making it" in the corporate world?
Does it mean you must give up your enjoyment of nice dresses, fancy shoes, make-up, etc?
Does it mean you have to hate men, control men, ignore men, and then try to be a man?
Does it mean you can't care more about your child than you do about yourself?

No.

I am a feminist.
I have always been a feminist.
I am also a stay-at-home homeschooling mother of four.
I am staunchly pro-life.
I am a conservative born-again Christian.

And I believe in the power of a woman.
I believe a woman can have everything she wants in life.
She can be strong and compassionate.
She can be bold and humble.
She can be deeply committed to her family and work outside the home if she desires.
She can also be deeply devoted to a woman's ability to be anything she wants, and still choose to be a stay-at-home mom.
And, yes, she can be passionate, powerful, and intelligent, and also be beautiful.
A woman can have it all.

I do not vote for my politicians based on whether they will pad my wallet, or their electability, or their popularity, or their age, or their appearance.
I am a moral issues voter.
I always have been, and I always will be.
I vote for my pro-life brothers and sisters, regardless of whether they stand a chance or not.
They are my family. I will entrust my country into the hands of those who I believe have a moral compass pointing north to Jesus Christ.
I will never trust the judgment of an individual who believes it's ok to murder babies.
I vote Pro-life.
I will vote for Sarah Palin this November.
I will vote for Sarah Palin when she runs for re-election in 2012.
And I will vote for Sarah Palin when she runs for president in 2016.

Go Women.
Go God.

Let me Intro-duce myself...

Ok, this is a procrastination post. As in, I have so much to do, and so little desire to do it, that I would rather post on my blog than even begin to tackle it. Just in the interest of full disclosure. *ahem* Yes. Well.

Alright, since I have to actually come up with something to post about, I will talk about Introverts.

A few years back someone told me that they "knew" that I was very shy. Shy? Ok, I thought, perhaps that explains things. But I never really felt shy, per se. Admittedly, I have serious difficulties in social situations. I do not like to interact in group/party situations. I am terrible at small talk. People often simply ignore what I say. I hate to interrupt, and feel like I don't know how to join a conversation without doing so. I forget, um, everything in pressure situations (like my phone number, people's names, my own kids' ages, etc.). I could go on.

I also have a very difficult time on the phone. I hate answering the phone, and dread phone conversations, especially with strangers. I practically break out in a cold sweat when I have to call someone. And again, I get this mind-blank thing where I just don't remember stuff. For example, one time, when I was talking to a car dealer on the phone about possibly getting a car from them, I could not, for the life of me, remember what the make and model of my own car was. I sounded like a complete airhead, I'm sure.

I get completely exhausted by being out and about, too. Grocery shopping kills me. When I come home from errands, I'm basically wiped for the entire rest of the day. And social situations? Like a party or bible study? I may not recover for a couple of days.

Anyway, suffice it to say that I have always felt socially like a fish out of water. I truly believed that there was simply something wrong with me. Like, an imbalance of some type. Low blood pressure, or a social disorder, or something. Well, it turns out I am kind of right. I mean, there isn't something *wrong* with me, but there is something that makes me different from about three quarters of the rest of the world.

I am an introvert.

I have been reading a book called The Introvert Advantage and, as it turns out, all of the things I described above are common occurances for introverts. The mind blank. The exhaustion. The inability to make small talk. The fact that people sometimes ignore what I say. All of it happens to other people, too. It happens to other introverts. We are all alike. I am not a freak, afterall. I was created this way, I am meant to be this way. This is part of my personality, my psychological profile, my physical make up. As much as I was created to be 5'5" with brownish red hair and blue eyes, I was also created as an introvert.

The reason I feel so strange is that three quarters of the world trend towards extroversion. And, worse, because extroverts are the majority, there is also a social bias that extroverts are "good" and introverts are "bad." Think about it. What does society tell you to do to your kids? Push them into large group situations and force them to interact. The "well-adjusted" ones are the ones who are easily able to strike up conversations and make a bunch of friends (extroverts), while the kids with "problems" are the ones who prefer to keep to themselves or just have one or two friends (introverts). "Oh, I wish my daughter was like yours," a mom may say. "Your daughter has such an easy time making friends. I keep telling mine that she just needs to get out there and try more, but she would rather sit by herself and play in the corner. I'm really worried about her."

In fact, there is nothing at all wrong with introverts. We are just different. We work differently, speak differently, have less energy, and think on a much deeper plane. This makes extroverts uncomfortable with us. And, frankly, we feel like there must be something wrong with us, too, because that is what the world, and even our own parents sometimes, communicate to us from the day we are born. Extroverted siblings are better, why can't you be more like them?, wouldn't you be happier if you spent more time with other kids? , it's not healthy to sit inside and read all the time. go play outside with the others., once you just do it, you'll find that you like it., what do you mean, you don't want to go? you really need to be more social. etc. etc. etc. Introverts are made to feel like we are lazy, antisocial, and even snobby, when, in fact, social activity literally exhausts us. We cannot take it for more than a short time. While extroverts actually gain energy from socialization and activity, introverts are drained by it. We need to constantly restore our energy with alone time and quiet time. Extroverts simply cannot understand this as it is so opposite from what they experience. And we introverts don't understand it, either, since most of the world is not like us.

I thank God for this book. I finally understand that I am not alone in how I am. I am a perfectly normal introvert.

I do not agree with the author, however, when she claims that introversion has "advantages." Extroverts have it so much easier. They have more energy. They can do so much more. They have an easy time interacting with others. I wish I could be an extrovert. I am, I admit, asking God why He chose to make me this way. I accept His choice, of course, as one born blind must accept it as well. But I still wish it were different.

Still, for now, it is enough to know that there is a very real reason for the struggles I have and, no, I do not need to just "get out there and socialize more." How I am is how God created me. I will no longer allow anyone to tell me I am just being lazy or shy or whatever. This is who I am. I am an introvert.

101!

Wow, I just realized that my last post was my 100th on this blog! That's kind of hard to believe, since I'm somewhat less than a prolific blogger. Still...
HAPPY 100TH POST!!!!!!!

In other news...
It's also a big day for my parents. Today is their anniversary, um, number, uh, I'm gonna say 35th? Don't shoot me if that's not right. I wasn't around to see the first few...
Anyway, Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!!!

So, how did they celebrate the big day? By bringing me a dishwasher, of course! Yes, they got a new dishwasher and kindly gave us their old one to replace our much older one, and they even delivered it! Wow. I mean, who could ask for anything more?

I strongly suspect there is a small wad of money hidden somewhere in my house now, too. It has been traveling covertly back and forth between their house and mine for weeks now. We had a mild dispute about whether they should accept payment for...something, I don't remember now, but this money I tried to give them somehow ended up back in my purse. I certainly could not let that stand, and returned it to their kitchen table. The rest is history. Even my kids have been dragged into the foray, as dad, amusingly, gave my son the wad with clear instructions not to give it to me until "you are half-way home." Oh yeah, the war is on, buddy. At this point, it is either safely tucked in the Wile-E-Coyote mug on their table or else it is *somewhere* in my house. Hmmm....

Anyway, it is a lovely day today, and I have taken advantage of the lack of rain to attempt to clean up the front of my house. It is amazing how quickly the weeds take over and the bushes get overgrown. Admittedly, such things aren't a very high priority for me, but at some point even I get embarrassed. The kids played in the sprinkler while I attacked the hedge with all my might and a hedge trimmer doohicky. Julia was not quite sure about the sprinkler (funny. Last year she thought it was a blast, but this year she kept shrieking that it was going to "get her wet." Um, yeah, that's kind of the point...). She ended up going in with an umbrella to protect her. It was too cute!!

Now I am taking a little break while the girls sleep. I have been reminded that I rarely blog about anything happy, so I am going to try to give more regular updates about the joys of my life. I know, it's just not as interesting as the bad stuff, is it? :) I will also be adding more pictures from this summer, which are waaaaay overdue, just as soon as they get loaded off of our camera...
Ok, that's all for now! Have a luuvely day!

P.S. oh, BTW, if you've noticed a change in the sorts of dinners I'm posting, it's because I (and subsequently the family) am no longer eating mammals. Reasons in a nutshell: I love them too much (no, not the *flavor* of them, I mean I looove them. sigh), I want to find my way back to some of my earlier convictions and passions, and it's just plain healthier. So, there you go.

Dragon

A dragon lurks inside of me,
Clawing to get out.
It sends out flames to sear your face,
It makes me snap and shout.
Its wings, they long to stretch and flap,
To fly away from here,
To camouflage, escape our chains
And then, to disappear.

A dragon lurks inside of me,
I battle her each day.
She rips my sanity apart,
Blasts patience away.
She wills me to devour my young
With words best left unsaid,
Tears down each pitiful defense
I build within my head.

A dragon lurks inside of me,
She's trying to take control.
I cannot lose this battle,
But she's slipping from my hold.
I need a stronger sword
I need a Knight to wield it for me.
Oh Christ, please help me fend her off
Before she can destroy me.

A dragon lurks inside of me,
I am naught but a shell.
The words I say are really hers.
Perhaps you cannot tell,
But every minute of each day
I am becoming tougher.
My heart, my skin, my words, my deeds,
Are all a little rougher.

A dragon lurks inside of me
So watch out when you're near me,
Behind these eyes the flames that glow
Should cause you all to fear me.
A tongue can be as sharp as steel
And deadly to the hearer,
So watch out for this dragon-girl
Please, don't come any nearer.

*snort*

OMG
You have to check out this website:
Cakewrecks.blogspot.com
It's freakin awesome.

Sometimes...

...I feel like no matter what I say or how I say it, it will be taken the worst possible way.
...I feel like I cannot change.
...I feel like the world is moving too fast and I will be dead before I ever got the chance to live.
...I feel like I wish I had a heart that worked properly.
...I feel like maybe I wasn't really saved afterall, cause, seriously, wouldn't I be a better person if I had been?
...I feel sorry for my kids for having me as their mother.
...I feel like I lost my way somehow and am now wandering around in the dark looking for my proper path.
...I feel like maybe cleaning the house will make me cleaner too.
...I feel like a dusty piece of scotch tape trying to hold it all together but s-l-o-w-l-y-p-u-l-l-i-n-g-a-p-a-r-t.
...I feel like a jerk.
...I feel like a whiner.
...I feel like nothing at all.

Yeah.

Know what I mean?

Tears streaming down my face...

I just watched this video that Becky sent to me. I am crushed and uplifted simultaneously. I believe I just lost about five pounds of water weight. The video is at the bottom of my blog now. Watch it. Then, come back and watch it again. Especially any time you feel like there's something that's just too difficult for you to get through, do, accomplish, put up with, etc. You're right. It is. We are cripples in this world. But God is willing to carry us. Oh, here I go again...Does anyone have a tissue? Or perhaps, a whole box?

Sad sad sad

There is nothing good about my husband being away on business. Nothing. He doesn't like it. It's somewhere he's been like ten times now, and he's bored with it. I certainly don't like it. And my littlest ones are completely miserable missing him. Jade and I aren't sleeping. Julia talks about missing him constantly. This sucks. Big time. S-U-C-K-S

Oh, and it's raining, so even the skies are sad about it. -sigh-

Why I have the best husband on earth

Last night, lying on the bed, listening to my husband sing Jade her lullaby....
Thinking about all the things I have to get done before I can go to sleep...
Laundry, dishes, cleaning up the kitchen, straightening up the living room, putting away the rest of the groceries...
I have to do it all tonight.
I can't put it off until tomorrow, because there is so much to do in the morning...
Baking banana bread, getting cards done, wrapping presents, getting the kids ready, all before eleven so we will be on time to Great Grandma's house for a birthday lunch...
So much to do tonight...
So much to...
*Snore*

Dreading the chaos that would meet me this morning...
Wearily dragging myself downstairs to face the mess of unfinished tasks...
What's this?
Laundry done?
Dishwasher run?
Groceries put away?
Kitchen clean?
Even *gasp* a pot of fresh coffee waiting for me?
Dear God, I love this man!

Wasting Time

Seven o'clock
Dressed and ready to go;
Waiting for my date
For the farmer's market.

Gonna buy me some plants
Fruits, veggies, who knows;
Waiting for my date
For the farmer's market.

Wish she'd agreed
To an earlier time;
Waiting for my date
For the farmer's market.

So I wouldn't have to sit here
Tryin to think of this rhyme;
Waiting for my date
For the farmer's market.

You know, when you're breastfeeding, some things are a bit more, shall we say, noticeable...

Julia, in my lap, last night.
"Mommy, what that?"
"Um, cleavage, honey."
"What that?"
"Cleavage."
"What?"
"It's the place between mommy's breasts."
"What?"
"It's the..."
"WHAT?"
"It's..."
"WHAT THE HECK?"
*gasp**snort*"No *chuckle* no honey that's not a good thing to say.."
"WHAT THE HECK?"
*snort**ahem*"No, no, hee hee, you shouldn't say that, hee hee..."
"Is that taco?"
Hee hee hee hee "No, sweetie it's not a taco, it's..."
"It taco, mommy?"
"No," giggle, "no, it's not a taco. It's...Hey let's go read a story!...."

Burnt Toast

I have an eating disorder.

It's called motherhood.

Many a day, I have sat down to dinner with my family, so ravenously hungry that I am ready to eat the table. It is then that I remember that I simply forgot to eat today.

It's shockingly easy to forget to eat when you are a mom.

You get your kids breakfast, and, while they are all contained, use the precious moments to empty and refill the dishwasher. By the time you're done, the toddler is finished eating, dragging you into the livingroom to play. One activity follows another, every free moment fills with a bit of cleaning here, a bit of teaching there, and, suddenly, lunchtime rolls around. Get Julia her food, make the boys theirs while she eats, feed Jade, Julia done, boys done, clean up, change Jade, "Mommy, come on, come on!", off I go again. Gee, what did I forget?

And then there are those times I actually do try to sit down and eat something, only to find the vultures swooping in to grab "a bite" of whatever I'm attempting to enjoy. I can either come off as terribly selfish or give in, forking over most of my snack, usually to Julia AKA "the incredible bottomless pit." Frankly, it's usually just not worth the effort.

Many days, I don't even notice. I just drink a lot of coffee, thus fooling my body into believing it is full enough to keep going.

Sometimes, though, I get shakier and shakier until I really don't feel like I can handle anything anymore. Today, for example, I found myself so hungry that I simply could not take whiny, fussy, needy children. I was making their lunches, responding over and over again to "mom, is there anything else I can eat?" as they munched their way through my cupboards, and all I kept thinking was that bit in the prodigal son where "he longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating." Not that my children are pigs or anything (on second thought...).

Finally I just had to put both the girls down for a nap and make myself a peanut butter sandwich. I hate peanut butter sandwiches, but it was quick and easy, and I felt much better once I had choked it down.

Why are we like this? Why is it such a defining characteristic of motherhood to take care of everyone else first, fulfilling our own needs last, if at all? Sacrifice is great and all, but it seems like we kind of take things to the extreme. Every season I spend hundreds of dollars on my children's shoes and clothes. For myself? Nada. I feel guilty for buying a ten dollar pair of shoes to replace my worn-out flip-flops, for goodness sake.

I once heard this referred to as the "burnt toast syndrome." Like, if there's a pile of lovely perfect toast and one piece that is burnt, the mom will say "Oh, I'll take that one." Always! My mom did it! Your mom did it too, I'll bet. And now I do it. Do all mom's do it? Why? Men certainly don't!

Anyway, I know that it's great that we're all such wonderful committed caring mothers that we never never think of ourselves first and always put our children's needs above our own. In fact, I believe that God programmed a switch, located just below our cervix, to flick over from "completely selfish" to "completely selfless" as the baby passes through. And that's good.

I just don't know if it's all that healthy.

Priorities

Ok, so I had a conversation with this guy the other day, and it has been bothering me ever since. It began innocently enough, each of us pointing out how big the other's children were getting and bemoaning the fact that their childhoods pass so quickly. He said he was sad that his youngest was losing his "baby" face, prompting me to inquire as to whether he and his wife were planning to have any more. "No!" he quickly responded," we feel very strongly about being responsible with the resources we have. We don't want to be irresponsible and have more kids than we can really afford to..." etc. etc. He went on that way for like ten minutes. Well, I thought it was a strange reaction, but I didn't really feel put out about it or anything. Then later, mulling over the details as I tend to do, it struck me. Was he judging me? Was that why he responded so pointedly and dramatically? Was he implying that I and my husband were acting irresponsibly by having too many children?

Now, it's quite possible that his reaction had absolutely nothing to do with me and my family at all. Perhaps this was a conversation he had had a million times before with various others whom he assumed were pressuring him to "have more kids" when he was determined to be done.

It's also possible that he was, in fact, informing me of the general opinion of the neighborhood busybodies as they have discussed our sudden inexplicable growth from a reasonable family of 4 to a bordering-on-insanity party of 6. Most have expressed an assumption that we would quickly leave this home for a much larger one, since we clearly live in a place intended for one, maybe two children (in their opinion). When we have not acceded that point, but rather expressed a preference for remaining here for a little while at least, the general attitude has been one of shock, then sympathy, like, "oh, they can't afford a bigger house." It's therefore not a big leap to think they wait until I walk away to say, "Then, you can't really afford four kids, now can you? tsk tsk, should have stopped at two!"

And then again, maybe that's all in my imagination.

Still, it begs a question. What does it mean, living "responsibly"? Is it more responsible to stop at two kids and be able to afford the nicer cars and the expensive vacations, not to mention saving for their college education and being able to buy them a car and a computer as a graduation present? We will not probably be able to afford to buy those things for our kids now. But is that really what being a "responsible" parent is all about? Having money to buy stuff?

I can tell you, it would have been easy to stop at two. I mean, both the boys were so grown up, we could do just about anything, go just about anywhere. We were getting out of debt, able to afford to do more with them, etc. etc.

But I can also tell you that, outside of the obvious fact of how much my girls mean to me, they have added layers and layers to the lives of my boys, too. They have learned to care for little ones, to love unconditionally, even in the midst of annoyance. They have become so much more mature and less self-focused. They have such joy in their big, boisterous family, and often express a desire for even more kids. Their humanity, their soul, has grown through watching their baby sisters grow and change, first in mommy's womb, and now on a daily basis. I mean, you should have seen how excited they got when Julia first made "stinkies" in the potty! They rejoice in her achievements, and in Jade's achievements, no longer solely concerned with their own. I could seriously go on and on and on about how much they have already gained from having these two little sisters in their lives. God only knows how much more they will receive as the years go on.

So the real question is, does "responsible" really mean living in a world that suburbia would require of us, able to afford the "necessities" for our kids that all the other Joneses have? Or, perhaps, does a truly responsible parent understand the difference between worldly desires and spiritual needs? Wouldn't a reasonable family accept a certain measure of belt-tightening for the sake of the truly awesome experience of allowing God to add to the fabric of our lives another amazing human being?

I don't know. Maybe we didn't make the most "responsible" choice when we brought our two sweet baby daughters into this world. But I definitely believe we made the best choice.

Things that I love

For my second edition of "Things that I love" I am choosing, wait for it, a cleaning product. (inner-feminist-me screams and pounds her fists on her cage walls) Actually, it is a baby product, used on a daily basis around here, usually to clean, well, babies, but which also works beautifully as a general cleaning product. Yes, I am talking about baby wipes. These things work for, like, everything! I have just used them to clean the fronts of my cabinets, my walls, my baseboards, even my disgusting ceiling fan. If you have them, try them! If you don't, pretend you're going to babysit for someone and buy some. They are exceptional, inexpensive, and easy to use. (that last part was not me. It was some voice-over in the background. I am currently searching the basement for the hidden camera...) Oh, and if your little one wants to help (like mine does. She is sooo cute!!! Hey, stop banging your head against the bars in there!), you can actually give this one to her/him because it is totally safe and non-toxic (unlike Magic Erasers. Dude, don't be stupid.). So, there you go.

Curriculum shmurriculum

Ok, my sister has asked me a seemingly simple question: "what kind of curriculum do you use?" Well, this is not as simple to answer as you might suppose.

As is probably the case with most homeschoolers, my curriculum is now made up of a variety of bits and pieces from several different sources. Each year I change one or two things, always in search of the "perfect" material to suit each child. I have tried, and enjoyed aspects of, Sonlight, Tapestry of Grace, Mystery of History, Bob Jones, Abeka, Rod and Staff, and some others whose names I cannot recall at this time. They all have positives and negatives.

Currently, for history, I am using Mystery of History. I like it, but have had difficulty finding many of her reading selections at my library. There are those who can afford to buy all of the necessary books straight from the website, but I cannot. So, I basically have been using this as an organizational tool, leading me in what general historical period to study next, and then I go to the library and pick my favorite selections on that time period from what is actually available to me. This has been working out pretty well. I also use the internet to research creative projects to do with the kids, adding interest to the reading material.

I have adopted the same sort of process for my science, too. I tried Sonlight science, which provides all the books and kits for the year in one package. It was ok, but I wasn't feeling it. It was a bit simplistic in the early years. I am thinking of trying it again now that we're in the higher stuff. At this point, though, I am researching the kinds of things that I think they would enjoy learning about and putting together lessons using the reading material I can find at the library and projects I have come up with from the internet or my own noggin. I did like the Bob Jones curriculum for this, but felt it was sometimes too simple for Jacob and a bit boring for Josh. (There is a theme beginning to build here. See if you can figure it out by the end.)

For grammar, we are currently doing Rod and Staff. The book we are in now (3, Beginning Wisely) basically teaches them everything they will ever use in this area and probably a little more than they actually need to know. It is also a bit boring. Ok, a lot boring. But, once they've made it successfully through this book, I will feel like they are completely prepared in this area. I will then move to a fun, easy grammar, like EZGrammar (yes, that is actually its name) to keep it all fresh in their heads in years to come. I believe they will be incredibly grateful for the change, and probably will kiss my feet.

I think it is important not to change your math curriculum too often. Each math curriculum takes the kids through in steps, and you don't want to accidentally miss something important by changing, or confuse them with a completely different style of learning. However, that being said, I also think you have to assess and change if it is totally not working for your children. We did Singapore math for a couple of years, and, while I like it for a lot of reasons, the boys just were not getting it. So, I switched them last year to Horizons Math and have been very happy with the change. I do wonder if this or that other math would work even better, but I think I'm going to stick with this one rather then risk confusing them with another change. If I were to try something else, though, I think it would be this new thing I'm hearing a lot about called Teaching Texts (from Sonlight catalog. I think that's the name anyway...). It uses the computer and sounds pretty nifty.

Writing. sigh. Well, I am just not happy with anything I've tried in this area. I've purchased books and books on teaching your child writing, but none of them have really spoken to me. I tried Write on Track, but hated how it was organized. Sonlight did nothing for this. Mystery of History, Tapestry of Grace, zippo. This year I am using Writing Strands, but I don't like it either. So, next year I will finally be biting the bullet and putting my money where my mouth is, so to speak. (don't you just love switching images mid-sentence?) Yes, I am going to buy the way-too-expensive Institute for Excellence in Writing program. I have seen ample evidence that it is what I have been searching for, but I have been loath to spend so much on it. However, my little writing prodigy must be challenged, so that is what I will be using from now on. -sigh- It had better be worth it!

Ok, lets see. I did history, math, science, grammar, writing...um...Oh! Ok, I am teaching using the classical method, so the boys are also learning Latin. They actually really like it, believe it or not, and it will provide them with a backbone upon which to build all latin-based languages. We're using Prima Latina this year.

In reading, I taught them using a book called Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons, plus I basically hounded them about their letters from the day they turned two. Yeah, mom can attest to this. Julia should easily be reading by age three at this rate. Actually, I strongly suspect she already can read some words, but refuses to because mommy just wants it too much. I would not put it past her.

The boys read all the time. I assign them literature that I think would be good for them (you know, Classics. Historical fiction. That sort of thing.). We also go to the library once a week, where they pick out a bunch of stuff. I encourage them to pick some books from all of the categories, not just fiction. This has also added to our science and history, as we follow the paths of their interests throughout the non-fiction areas. That's why reading is such a passion for me. I want my kids to read from as early an age as possible because, once they can read, the whole world becomes open to them. They can educate themselves simply by reading about the things that excite them.

As far as extra-curriculars, they both do gym and art at the YMCA, plus seasonal sports. I also asked each one what they wanted to be when they grow up, and we do some vocational training towards that end. Jacob currently wants to do something computer-ish, so he is learning programming using Phrogram (a kid-oriented programming language), plus typing. For Josh, who wants to be either a rock-star or a chef, there are piano lessons, plus chorus, and weekly cooking lessons with me (basic cooking from a very basic cook!).

So, the theme here is this: Try whatever you think will work out well for your kids but, in the end, don't be surprised if you find yourself building a one-of-a-kind hodgepodge of a curriculum based on what is best for the very individual needs of your very individual kiddos. One-stop shopping is convenient and attractive for us busy moms, but most children really don't fit into any pre-made mold. Experiment, assess, change if necessary, and understand that, no matter what you do, as long as you are passionate about their education and love them with all of your might, you are going to provide them with an excellent learning environment in which to grow into the women and men God means them to be.

There, see now why I couldn't just answer your question with a two-second comment? :) Love ya!

A Day in the Life of a Homeschooling Family

Freedom + Learning + Fun + Family + Love = Homeschool

Ahh, holidays...

Well, another holiday is over, and, frankly, I'm exhausted. It was a lovely day, though, really nice. And it was all worth the planning, cleaning, spending, stressing, rushing, bickering, cleaning, perfecting, collapsing, etc. that inevitably leads up to absolutely every big holiday we have. Gladly, I successfully left all of that behind today and really enjoyed the day.

We went to church this morning. Sadly, these days we've turned into the Christmas/Easter people. Partially this is to blame on the fact that I have a newborn and a toddler, and I really dislike having to deal with convincing the latter to allow the blood to return to my fingers as I wrestle her hand from mine and drop her into her classroom each Sunday and then trudging off to the tiny dungeon/ closet they call a "nursing room" to feed and care for the former for the rest of the service. It is a decidedly uncomfortable hour and a half for me, so I admit to being less likely to push the family into that van come Sunday morning.

This is only part of the reason we aren't going to church lately, though. The rest of the reason has to do with a disconnected feeling we have had for months now, starting probably when the music ministry went, pardon the expression, to hell. Besides the dark feeling I have towards the music at this point, I also find that the entire service feels cold, lacking in Spirit and emotion. I don't even enjoy the preaching anymore, which is something that I really used to find powerful. I had hoped that this would get better as time passed, but it has not. Today, for example, at what should have been a wonderful, joyous occasion, I felt like I was wading in a pool of dead fish. I know we're supposed to focus on God and not those around us, but, seriously, have you ever tried to praise Him while standing in a pool of decaying flounder? Have you?? I didn't think so! So stop judging me! -sigh- Time to start seeking a new place of worship, I guess.

Anyway, after church, the kiddos found their Easter baskets (hehe, we hid Jacob's in a hamper underneath some clothes! It took him a while to find it. Heh Heh Heh) and played with the various goodies inside while Jer went to pick up Great Grandma Ella. It was sooooo nice having her over! What a blessing that my children get to spend time with their ninety year old great grandmother, and that she is so spry and healthy and fun! What's really neat is that they really enjoy talking to her and spending time with her, too. I remember being kind of creeped out by my father's parents because they seemed so old to me, and they were just my grandparents! My kiddos have a completely different reaction to Great Grandma. They just love her!

We had an inside easter egg hunt, since it was rather chilly out today (beautifully sunny though!) and a nice Easter feast of ham, ziti, apple pudding, and salad. Jeremy gets the credit for the feast (he made the most amazing ham glaze I have ever tasted. Mmmmm, yummy!) and for being willing to drive out and get Grandma and bring her back again. Thanks honey!!! You're the best!!!

So, it was a wonderful Easter day for us. I hope yours was blessed and enjoyable too! I posted photos in my side photo area, so don't forget to check it out. I do declare, my sweet chillins clean up right nice!

Happy Easter everyone!!!

To all of my loved ones who are so very far away, I would like to wish you a happy and blessed Easter. Wish you were all here!! I love you all!!!

Refocus- the real story of Easter

Let me tell you, it isn't always easy to get your kids to focus on what easter is really about. Sure, they know, and they can answer all the questions perfectly, but how to get them really focused on the amazing event that the resurrection truly was? Well, I gave it a try with a writing assignment. My boys had to write a story about the resurrection from the perspective of someone unusual. I was pretty impressed with what they turned out. Not bad for a single day's work! Check their blogs for the stories.

The more interesting thing.

One of my personal resolutions for this year is, when presented with a choice, to choose the more interesting one. I have done ok with this so far. Sometimes this amounts to a large decision, such as when I was presented with a birthday date night with my mother and chose to get my hair butchered rather than see a movie. Other times it is rather less dramatic. Today, for example, I could have stayed inside and watched my boys play in the snow, keeping my daughter and myself snug and warm and dry. But, I chose the more interesting thing, suited up in my husband's snow gear, and headed out for some old fashioned sledding and snowman fashioning fun. Julia got to try out her new snow suit (pink! pink! pink!!!) and I got to prove that playing in the snow just doesn't get old, even if I do.

The experiment- updated for the last time.

Yes, that's right folks, the experiment is officially over. As of Monday, we will be once again homeschooling Jacob. Well, technically, I started this past Monday, but I wasn't supposed to be yet. I called him in sick. It has to do with the time period I was supposed to give them notice in, blah blah blah.

Anyway, he's home again, and my house is once more whole. *sigh of profound relief*

Why, you may ask, has he come back to the home base? Well, there are a bunch of little reasons that basically add up to, you know, it's just where he belongs. I think it was always where he belonged, but both he and I had to be convinced of that before we could go on into the middle school years with unfettered hearts and unconflicted souls.

I know I haven't really updated this blog on his experiences in school nearly enough, though, so I think a list of goods and bads, of discoveries, so to speak, about the public school experience is in order. So...

Benefits of Public School:
Yes, there were real benefits I saw to his going to school. He actually gained a lot of focus and confidence academically. Suddenly he came face to face with the reality that the world is a very competitive place, especially in academia, and that he does not want to end up at the bottom of the pile. Once he worked through that fear and began really putting forth the necessary effort to make sure that didn't happen, he also discovered that learning is a benefit in and of itself and that he actually does have a passion to learn as much as possible, even if it means putting in a lot of work. You see, at home there is a tendency to see your school work as something of a drudgery that is taking you away from that wonderful pile of toys over there and that lovely outdoor world of fun just back there. Most of the time, at home, you're allowed to just have fun, so this sudden appearance of a bunch of, frankly, less than fun schoolwork is greeted with more than a small measure of resentment.

But in school, work is life. You have to do the school work. It's what you're there for. It's what everyone's doing. Resentment is wasted, as everybody is in the same boat and you just have to accept reality, bucko, because that's what this place is all about. So, you get over it. You accept it. You try to find what measure of joy and fun you can in the work, as it is what you're stuck doing all day long. Once he reached that point of acceptance that the day is about work, every day, except weekends, and that's just the way it is, he was better able to focus on and even enjoy the school work rather than just hope it would end soon so he could get back to playing. In school, it doesn't matter how fast you work, you're not going to be allowed to go play anyway. so you focus on doing your best work rather than just doing your fastest work. Therefore, Jacob's quality of work has gone up and his resentment of work in general has basically disappeared. That is thanks to public school.

Jacob has also gained confidence in his dealings with adults. He used to struggle with looking at adults' faces when speaking to them and tended to mumble a lot. School has fixed this, as well. Now he looks up, speaks loudly, and works hard to answer whatever question was asked the best that he can. In school, you have no choice but to do this. The teacher will not put up with heads down muttering. The principal and office staff and lunch lady smile kindly, but also expect a clear answer and eye contact. So, that is what he gives, now.

School is also a great place to experience the "fun stuff." You know, stuff like gym class, art class, music class, library, computer time, birthday parties, holiday parties, recess, etc. There is a lot of life and excitement in a school day. Not always so at home.

Benefits of Homeschooling:
I could actually entitle this section "bad stuff about public school," since that's really what I'm going to be talking about. In public school, the soul comes under heavy fire right from the get-go. The natural desire of all kids who head into that classroom is to be liked by everyone in it, from the teacher right on down to the person whose name you can't quite recall sitting across the classroom from you. You long to be liked. You wish to be respected. You hope and pray that you won't be the one that nobody talks to. So, you do everything you can think of to make this happen. You are nice to everyone. You don't say anything negative. You bring in extra money on popcorn day to give to somebody who may have forgotten theirs. You join the stupid club that makes no sense in that all it wants people to do is carry around a stupid piece of yellow paper to signify you're "in" it, and basically do everything the leaders say you're supposed to, even sitting throughout the entire recess. You don't make waves, even when the guy whose locker is next to you continuously closes your locker so he can get to his, even slamming it in your face when you're clearly trying to get your stuff out. But you don't tell on him. You're the picture of patience and kindness. You do everything right.

But you still don't get liked. You are ignored. You are attacked. You are ridiculed. You are made to feel completely invisible. Nobody talks to you. Nobody chooses to sit with you. Nobody seems to care about you. Even the teacher doesn't call on you. All because maybe you want it a little too badly. Maybe you're just not cool enough. Maybe they can sense your weakness, and, like animals, go in for the kill. The humanity in public school is replaced with a mob mentality, and it is sick and sad and very very damaging. If you have a sweet, loving, kind, wonderful child who maybe isn't the naturally "cool" one who easily makes friends, don't ever ever put them into public school. It will destroy them.

Jacob is now back in an environment in which he knows he is loved, no matter what, by every person here. He knows that he will be helped when he has a problem learning something. He knows that he will be encouraged to grow in the areas that God has gifted him, even if those areas are outside of "traditional" curriculum. He knows that he will have to work hard, every day, but that, at the end of the day, he will have the satisfying knowledge that he has grown and is on his way to a great future. We don't knock him down, here. We build him up. And, frankly, I feel like this house is so much fuller and better with him here, that's it's very very easy to encourage and love him. This is where he belongs. Now we have no more doubts about that.

So, the public school experiment is officially over. I do not regret doing it. He has benefited in lasting ways, even though he has also been forced to face some difficulties, too. He has matured. I do think I have gotten him out before too much lasting damage was done. And now, when the boys see that big yellow bus go by, I no longer see that longing glance, that inner wish to see what everybody else was doing, that feeling that the grass over there is just a bit greener, pass over their faces. No, now I hear a small sigh of relief, as if to say, "Thank God I'm not one of those poor kids." Yes. Thank you, God.

I don't frickin care if I wasn't tagged...

I'm gonna do it anyway!! So there!

My five places I would like to visit...


1) Greece
2) Israel
3) Paris
4) Italy
5) Cancun

Five places I'd like to visit again:

1) Toronto
2) Myrtle Beach
3) Grove City College (as I drop my boy off to school there!)
4) Lake Champion Young Life camp
5) Brandy Wine Falls, Ohio (there is a lovely bed and breakfast there run by the most interesting people you would ever meet)

Some sweet Valentine's day photos