Julia, in my lap, last night.
"Mommy, what that?"
"Um, cleavage, honey."
"What that?"
"Cleavage."
"What?"
"It's the place between mommy's breasts."
"What?"
"It's the..."
"WHAT?"
"It's..."
"WHAT THE HECK?"
*gasp**snort*"No *chuckle* no honey that's not a good thing to say.."
"WHAT THE HECK?"
*snort**ahem*"No, no, hee hee, you shouldn't say that, hee hee..."
"Is that taco?"
Hee hee hee hee "No, sweetie it's not a taco, it's..."
"It taco, mommy?"
"No," giggle, "no, it's not a taco. It's...Hey let's go read a story!...."
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Burnt Toast
I have an eating disorder.
It's called motherhood.
Many a day, I have sat down to dinner with my family, so ravenously hungry that I am ready to eat the table. It is then that I remember that I simply forgot to eat today.
It's shockingly easy to forget to eat when you are a mom.
You get your kids breakfast, and, while they are all contained, use the precious moments to empty and refill the dishwasher. By the time you're done, the toddler is finished eating, dragging you into the livingroom to play. One activity follows another, every free moment fills with a bit of cleaning here, a bit of teaching there, and, suddenly, lunchtime rolls around. Get Julia her food, make the boys theirs while she eats, feed Jade, Julia done, boys done, clean up, change Jade, "Mommy, come on, come on!", off I go again. Gee, what did I forget?
And then there are those times I actually do try to sit down and eat something, only to find the vultures swooping in to grab "a bite" of whatever I'm attempting to enjoy. I can either come off as terribly selfish or give in, forking over most of my snack, usually to Julia AKA "the incredible bottomless pit." Frankly, it's usually just not worth the effort.
Many days, I don't even notice. I just drink a lot of coffee, thus fooling my body into believing it is full enough to keep going.
Sometimes, though, I get shakier and shakier until I really don't feel like I can handle anything anymore. Today, for example, I found myself so hungry that I simply could not take whiny, fussy, needy children. I was making their lunches, responding over and over again to "mom, is there anything else I can eat?" as they munched their way through my cupboards, and all I kept thinking was that bit in the prodigal son where "he longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating." Not that my children are pigs or anything (on second thought...).
Finally I just had to put both the girls down for a nap and make myself a peanut butter sandwich. I hate peanut butter sandwiches, but it was quick and easy, and I felt much better once I had choked it down.
Why are we like this? Why is it such a defining characteristic of motherhood to take care of everyone else first, fulfilling our own needs last, if at all? Sacrifice is great and all, but it seems like we kind of take things to the extreme. Every season I spend hundreds of dollars on my children's shoes and clothes. For myself? Nada. I feel guilty for buying a ten dollar pair of shoes to replace my worn-out flip-flops, for goodness sake.
I once heard this referred to as the "burnt toast syndrome." Like, if there's a pile of lovely perfect toast and one piece that is burnt, the mom will say "Oh, I'll take that one." Always! My mom did it! Your mom did it too, I'll bet. And now I do it. Do all mom's do it? Why? Men certainly don't!
Anyway, I know that it's great that we're all such wonderful committed caring mothers that we never never think of ourselves first and always put our children's needs above our own. In fact, I believe that God programmed a switch, located just below our cervix, to flick over from "completely selfish" to "completely selfless" as the baby passes through. And that's good.
I just don't know if it's all that healthy.
It's called motherhood.
Many a day, I have sat down to dinner with my family, so ravenously hungry that I am ready to eat the table. It is then that I remember that I simply forgot to eat today.
It's shockingly easy to forget to eat when you are a mom.
You get your kids breakfast, and, while they are all contained, use the precious moments to empty and refill the dishwasher. By the time you're done, the toddler is finished eating, dragging you into the livingroom to play. One activity follows another, every free moment fills with a bit of cleaning here, a bit of teaching there, and, suddenly, lunchtime rolls around. Get Julia her food, make the boys theirs while she eats, feed Jade, Julia done, boys done, clean up, change Jade, "Mommy, come on, come on!", off I go again. Gee, what did I forget?
And then there are those times I actually do try to sit down and eat something, only to find the vultures swooping in to grab "a bite" of whatever I'm attempting to enjoy. I can either come off as terribly selfish or give in, forking over most of my snack, usually to Julia AKA "the incredible bottomless pit." Frankly, it's usually just not worth the effort.
Many days, I don't even notice. I just drink a lot of coffee, thus fooling my body into believing it is full enough to keep going.
Sometimes, though, I get shakier and shakier until I really don't feel like I can handle anything anymore. Today, for example, I found myself so hungry that I simply could not take whiny, fussy, needy children. I was making their lunches, responding over and over again to "mom, is there anything else I can eat?" as they munched their way through my cupboards, and all I kept thinking was that bit in the prodigal son where "he longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating." Not that my children are pigs or anything (on second thought...).
Finally I just had to put both the girls down for a nap and make myself a peanut butter sandwich. I hate peanut butter sandwiches, but it was quick and easy, and I felt much better once I had choked it down.
Why are we like this? Why is it such a defining characteristic of motherhood to take care of everyone else first, fulfilling our own needs last, if at all? Sacrifice is great and all, but it seems like we kind of take things to the extreme. Every season I spend hundreds of dollars on my children's shoes and clothes. For myself? Nada. I feel guilty for buying a ten dollar pair of shoes to replace my worn-out flip-flops, for goodness sake.
I once heard this referred to as the "burnt toast syndrome." Like, if there's a pile of lovely perfect toast and one piece that is burnt, the mom will say "Oh, I'll take that one." Always! My mom did it! Your mom did it too, I'll bet. And now I do it. Do all mom's do it? Why? Men certainly don't!
Anyway, I know that it's great that we're all such wonderful committed caring mothers that we never never think of ourselves first and always put our children's needs above our own. In fact, I believe that God programmed a switch, located just below our cervix, to flick over from "completely selfish" to "completely selfless" as the baby passes through. And that's good.
I just don't know if it's all that healthy.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Priorities
Ok, so I had a conversation with this guy the other day, and it has been bothering me ever since. It began innocently enough, each of us pointing out how big the other's children were getting and bemoaning the fact that their childhoods pass so quickly. He said he was sad that his youngest was losing his "baby" face, prompting me to inquire as to whether he and his wife were planning to have any more. "No!" he quickly responded," we feel very strongly about being responsible with the resources we have. We don't want to be irresponsible and have more kids than we can really afford to..." etc. etc. He went on that way for like ten minutes. Well, I thought it was a strange reaction, but I didn't really feel put out about it or anything. Then later, mulling over the details as I tend to do, it struck me. Was he judging me? Was that why he responded so pointedly and dramatically? Was he implying that I and my husband were acting irresponsibly by having too many children?
Now, it's quite possible that his reaction had absolutely nothing to do with me and my family at all. Perhaps this was a conversation he had had a million times before with various others whom he assumed were pressuring him to "have more kids" when he was determined to be done.
It's also possible that he was, in fact, informing me of the general opinion of the neighborhood busybodies as they have discussed our sudden inexplicable growth from a reasonable family of 4 to a bordering-on-insanity party of 6. Most have expressed an assumption that we would quickly leave this home for a much larger one, since we clearly live in a place intended for one, maybe two children (in their opinion). When we have not acceded that point, but rather expressed a preference for remaining here for a little while at least, the general attitude has been one of shock, then sympathy, like, "oh, they can't afford a bigger house." It's therefore not a big leap to think they wait until I walk away to say, "Then, you can't really afford four kids, now can you? tsk tsk, should have stopped at two!"
And then again, maybe that's all in my imagination.
Still, it begs a question. What does it mean, living "responsibly"? Is it more responsible to stop at two kids and be able to afford the nicer cars and the expensive vacations, not to mention saving for their college education and being able to buy them a car and a computer as a graduation present? We will not probably be able to afford to buy those things for our kids now. But is that really what being a "responsible" parent is all about? Having money to buy stuff?
I can tell you, it would have been easy to stop at two. I mean, both the boys were so grown up, we could do just about anything, go just about anywhere. We were getting out of debt, able to afford to do more with them, etc. etc.
But I can also tell you that, outside of the obvious fact of how much my girls mean to me, they have added layers and layers to the lives of my boys, too. They have learned to care for little ones, to love unconditionally, even in the midst of annoyance. They have become so much more mature and less self-focused. They have such joy in their big, boisterous family, and often express a desire for even more kids. Their humanity, their soul, has grown through watching their baby sisters grow and change, first in mommy's womb, and now on a daily basis. I mean, you should have seen how excited they got when Julia first made "stinkies" in the potty! They rejoice in her achievements, and in Jade's achievements, no longer solely concerned with their own. I could seriously go on and on and on about how much they have already gained from having these two little sisters in their lives. God only knows how much more they will receive as the years go on.
So the real question is, does "responsible" really mean living in a world that suburbia would require of us, able to afford the "necessities" for our kids that all the other Joneses have? Or, perhaps, does a truly responsible parent understand the difference between worldly desires and spiritual needs? Wouldn't a reasonable family accept a certain measure of belt-tightening for the sake of the truly awesome experience of allowing God to add to the fabric of our lives another amazing human being?
I don't know. Maybe we didn't make the most "responsible" choice when we brought our two sweet baby daughters into this world. But I definitely believe we made the best choice.
Now, it's quite possible that his reaction had absolutely nothing to do with me and my family at all. Perhaps this was a conversation he had had a million times before with various others whom he assumed were pressuring him to "have more kids" when he was determined to be done.
It's also possible that he was, in fact, informing me of the general opinion of the neighborhood busybodies as they have discussed our sudden inexplicable growth from a reasonable family of 4 to a bordering-on-insanity party of 6. Most have expressed an assumption that we would quickly leave this home for a much larger one, since we clearly live in a place intended for one, maybe two children (in their opinion). When we have not acceded that point, but rather expressed a preference for remaining here for a little while at least, the general attitude has been one of shock, then sympathy, like, "oh, they can't afford a bigger house." It's therefore not a big leap to think they wait until I walk away to say, "Then, you can't really afford four kids, now can you? tsk tsk, should have stopped at two!"
And then again, maybe that's all in my imagination.
Still, it begs a question. What does it mean, living "responsibly"? Is it more responsible to stop at two kids and be able to afford the nicer cars and the expensive vacations, not to mention saving for their college education and being able to buy them a car and a computer as a graduation present? We will not probably be able to afford to buy those things for our kids now. But is that really what being a "responsible" parent is all about? Having money to buy stuff?
I can tell you, it would have been easy to stop at two. I mean, both the boys were so grown up, we could do just about anything, go just about anywhere. We were getting out of debt, able to afford to do more with them, etc. etc.
But I can also tell you that, outside of the obvious fact of how much my girls mean to me, they have added layers and layers to the lives of my boys, too. They have learned to care for little ones, to love unconditionally, even in the midst of annoyance. They have become so much more mature and less self-focused. They have such joy in their big, boisterous family, and often express a desire for even more kids. Their humanity, their soul, has grown through watching their baby sisters grow and change, first in mommy's womb, and now on a daily basis. I mean, you should have seen how excited they got when Julia first made "stinkies" in the potty! They rejoice in her achievements, and in Jade's achievements, no longer solely concerned with their own. I could seriously go on and on and on about how much they have already gained from having these two little sisters in their lives. God only knows how much more they will receive as the years go on.
So the real question is, does "responsible" really mean living in a world that suburbia would require of us, able to afford the "necessities" for our kids that all the other Joneses have? Or, perhaps, does a truly responsible parent understand the difference between worldly desires and spiritual needs? Wouldn't a reasonable family accept a certain measure of belt-tightening for the sake of the truly awesome experience of allowing God to add to the fabric of our lives another amazing human being?
I don't know. Maybe we didn't make the most "responsible" choice when we brought our two sweet baby daughters into this world. But I definitely believe we made the best choice.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Things that I love
For my second edition of "Things that I love" I am choosing, wait for it, a cleaning product. (inner-feminist-me screams and pounds her fists on her cage walls) Actually, it is a baby product, used on a daily basis around here, usually to clean, well, babies, but which also works beautifully as a general cleaning product. Yes, I am talking about baby wipes. These things work for, like, everything! I have just used them to clean the fronts of my cabinets, my walls, my baseboards, even my disgusting ceiling fan. If you have them, try them! If you don't, pretend you're going to babysit for someone and buy some. They are exceptional, inexpensive, and easy to use. (that last part was not me. It was some voice-over in the background. I am currently searching the basement for the hidden camera...) Oh, and if your little one wants to help (like mine does. She is sooo cute!!! Hey, stop banging your head against the bars in there!), you can actually give this one to her/him because it is totally safe and non-toxic (unlike Magic Erasers. Dude, don't be stupid.). So, there you go.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Curriculum shmurriculum
Ok, my sister has asked me a seemingly simple question: "what kind of curriculum do you use?" Well, this is not as simple to answer as you might suppose.
As is probably the case with most homeschoolers, my curriculum is now made up of a variety of bits and pieces from several different sources. Each year I change one or two things, always in search of the "perfect" material to suit each child. I have tried, and enjoyed aspects of, Sonlight, Tapestry of Grace, Mystery of History, Bob Jones, Abeka, Rod and Staff, and some others whose names I cannot recall at this time. They all have positives and negatives.
Currently, for history, I am using Mystery of History. I like it, but have had difficulty finding many of her reading selections at my library. There are those who can afford to buy all of the necessary books straight from the website, but I cannot. So, I basically have been using this as an organizational tool, leading me in what general historical period to study next, and then I go to the library and pick my favorite selections on that time period from what is actually available to me. This has been working out pretty well. I also use the internet to research creative projects to do with the kids, adding interest to the reading material.
I have adopted the same sort of process for my science, too. I tried Sonlight science, which provides all the books and kits for the year in one package. It was ok, but I wasn't feeling it. It was a bit simplistic in the early years. I am thinking of trying it again now that we're in the higher stuff. At this point, though, I am researching the kinds of things that I think they would enjoy learning about and putting together lessons using the reading material I can find at the library and projects I have come up with from the internet or my own noggin. I did like the Bob Jones curriculum for this, but felt it was sometimes too simple for Jacob and a bit boring for Josh. (There is a theme beginning to build here. See if you can figure it out by the end.)
For grammar, we are currently doing Rod and Staff. The book we are in now (3, Beginning Wisely) basically teaches them everything they will ever use in this area and probably a little more than they actually need to know. It is also a bit boring. Ok, a lot boring. But, once they've made it successfully through this book, I will feel like they are completely prepared in this area. I will then move to a fun, easy grammar, like EZGrammar (yes, that is actually its name) to keep it all fresh in their heads in years to come. I believe they will be incredibly grateful for the change, and probably will kiss my feet.
I think it is important not to change your math curriculum too often. Each math curriculum takes the kids through in steps, and you don't want to accidentally miss something important by changing, or confuse them with a completely different style of learning. However, that being said, I also think you have to assess and change if it is totally not working for your children. We did Singapore math for a couple of years, and, while I like it for a lot of reasons, the boys just were not getting it. So, I switched them last year to Horizons Math and have been very happy with the change. I do wonder if this or that other math would work even better, but I think I'm going to stick with this one rather then risk confusing them with another change. If I were to try something else, though, I think it would be this new thing I'm hearing a lot about called Teaching Texts (from Sonlight catalog. I think that's the name anyway...). It uses the computer and sounds pretty nifty.
Writing. sigh. Well, I am just not happy with anything I've tried in this area. I've purchased books and books on teaching your child writing, but none of them have really spoken to me. I tried Write on Track, but hated how it was organized. Sonlight did nothing for this. Mystery of History, Tapestry of Grace, zippo. This year I am using Writing Strands, but I don't like it either. So, next year I will finally be biting the bullet and putting my money where my mouth is, so to speak. (don't you just love switching images mid-sentence?) Yes, I am going to buy the way-too-expensive Institute for Excellence in Writing program. I have seen ample evidence that it is what I have been searching for, but I have been loath to spend so much on it. However, my little writing prodigy must be challenged, so that is what I will be using from now on. -sigh- It had better be worth it!
Ok, lets see. I did history, math, science, grammar, writing...um...Oh! Ok, I am teaching using the classical method, so the boys are also learning Latin. They actually really like it, believe it or not, and it will provide them with a backbone upon which to build all latin-based languages. We're using Prima Latina this year.
In reading, I taught them using a book called Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons, plus I basically hounded them about their letters from the day they turned two. Yeah, mom can attest to this. Julia should easily be reading by age three at this rate. Actually, I strongly suspect she already can read some words, but refuses to because mommy just wants it too much. I would not put it past her.
The boys read all the time. I assign them literature that I think would be good for them (you know, Classics. Historical fiction. That sort of thing.). We also go to the library once a week, where they pick out a bunch of stuff. I encourage them to pick some books from all of the categories, not just fiction. This has also added to our science and history, as we follow the paths of their interests throughout the non-fiction areas. That's why reading is such a passion for me. I want my kids to read from as early an age as possible because, once they can read, the whole world becomes open to them. They can educate themselves simply by reading about the things that excite them.
As far as extra-curriculars, they both do gym and art at the YMCA, plus seasonal sports. I also asked each one what they wanted to be when they grow up, and we do some vocational training towards that end. Jacob currently wants to do something computer-ish, so he is learning programming using Phrogram (a kid-oriented programming language), plus typing. For Josh, who wants to be either a rock-star or a chef, there are piano lessons, plus chorus, and weekly cooking lessons with me (basic cooking from a very basic cook!).
So, the theme here is this: Try whatever you think will work out well for your kids but, in the end, don't be surprised if you find yourself building a one-of-a-kind hodgepodge of a curriculum based on what is best for the very individual needs of your very individual kiddos. One-stop shopping is convenient and attractive for us busy moms, but most children really don't fit into any pre-made mold. Experiment, assess, change if necessary, and understand that, no matter what you do, as long as you are passionate about their education and love them with all of your might, you are going to provide them with an excellent learning environment in which to grow into the women and men God means them to be.
There, see now why I couldn't just answer your question with a two-second comment? :) Love ya!
As is probably the case with most homeschoolers, my curriculum is now made up of a variety of bits and pieces from several different sources. Each year I change one or two things, always in search of the "perfect" material to suit each child. I have tried, and enjoyed aspects of, Sonlight, Tapestry of Grace, Mystery of History, Bob Jones, Abeka, Rod and Staff, and some others whose names I cannot recall at this time. They all have positives and negatives.
Currently, for history, I am using Mystery of History. I like it, but have had difficulty finding many of her reading selections at my library. There are those who can afford to buy all of the necessary books straight from the website, but I cannot. So, I basically have been using this as an organizational tool, leading me in what general historical period to study next, and then I go to the library and pick my favorite selections on that time period from what is actually available to me. This has been working out pretty well. I also use the internet to research creative projects to do with the kids, adding interest to the reading material.
I have adopted the same sort of process for my science, too. I tried Sonlight science, which provides all the books and kits for the year in one package. It was ok, but I wasn't feeling it. It was a bit simplistic in the early years. I am thinking of trying it again now that we're in the higher stuff. At this point, though, I am researching the kinds of things that I think they would enjoy learning about and putting together lessons using the reading material I can find at the library and projects I have come up with from the internet or my own noggin. I did like the Bob Jones curriculum for this, but felt it was sometimes too simple for Jacob and a bit boring for Josh. (There is a theme beginning to build here. See if you can figure it out by the end.)
For grammar, we are currently doing Rod and Staff. The book we are in now (3, Beginning Wisely) basically teaches them everything they will ever use in this area and probably a little more than they actually need to know. It is also a bit boring. Ok, a lot boring. But, once they've made it successfully through this book, I will feel like they are completely prepared in this area. I will then move to a fun, easy grammar, like EZGrammar (yes, that is actually its name) to keep it all fresh in their heads in years to come. I believe they will be incredibly grateful for the change, and probably will kiss my feet.
I think it is important not to change your math curriculum too often. Each math curriculum takes the kids through in steps, and you don't want to accidentally miss something important by changing, or confuse them with a completely different style of learning. However, that being said, I also think you have to assess and change if it is totally not working for your children. We did Singapore math for a couple of years, and, while I like it for a lot of reasons, the boys just were not getting it. So, I switched them last year to Horizons Math and have been very happy with the change. I do wonder if this or that other math would work even better, but I think I'm going to stick with this one rather then risk confusing them with another change. If I were to try something else, though, I think it would be this new thing I'm hearing a lot about called Teaching Texts (from Sonlight catalog. I think that's the name anyway...). It uses the computer and sounds pretty nifty.
Writing. sigh. Well, I am just not happy with anything I've tried in this area. I've purchased books and books on teaching your child writing, but none of them have really spoken to me. I tried Write on Track, but hated how it was organized. Sonlight did nothing for this. Mystery of History, Tapestry of Grace, zippo. This year I am using Writing Strands, but I don't like it either. So, next year I will finally be biting the bullet and putting my money where my mouth is, so to speak. (don't you just love switching images mid-sentence?) Yes, I am going to buy the way-too-expensive Institute for Excellence in Writing program. I have seen ample evidence that it is what I have been searching for, but I have been loath to spend so much on it. However, my little writing prodigy must be challenged, so that is what I will be using from now on. -sigh- It had better be worth it!
Ok, lets see. I did history, math, science, grammar, writing...um...Oh! Ok, I am teaching using the classical method, so the boys are also learning Latin. They actually really like it, believe it or not, and it will provide them with a backbone upon which to build all latin-based languages. We're using Prima Latina this year.
In reading, I taught them using a book called Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons, plus I basically hounded them about their letters from the day they turned two. Yeah, mom can attest to this. Julia should easily be reading by age three at this rate. Actually, I strongly suspect she already can read some words, but refuses to because mommy just wants it too much. I would not put it past her.
The boys read all the time. I assign them literature that I think would be good for them (you know, Classics. Historical fiction. That sort of thing.). We also go to the library once a week, where they pick out a bunch of stuff. I encourage them to pick some books from all of the categories, not just fiction. This has also added to our science and history, as we follow the paths of their interests throughout the non-fiction areas. That's why reading is such a passion for me. I want my kids to read from as early an age as possible because, once they can read, the whole world becomes open to them. They can educate themselves simply by reading about the things that excite them.
As far as extra-curriculars, they both do gym and art at the YMCA, plus seasonal sports. I also asked each one what they wanted to be when they grow up, and we do some vocational training towards that end. Jacob currently wants to do something computer-ish, so he is learning programming using Phrogram (a kid-oriented programming language), plus typing. For Josh, who wants to be either a rock-star or a chef, there are piano lessons, plus chorus, and weekly cooking lessons with me (basic cooking from a very basic cook!).
So, the theme here is this: Try whatever you think will work out well for your kids but, in the end, don't be surprised if you find yourself building a one-of-a-kind hodgepodge of a curriculum based on what is best for the very individual needs of your very individual kiddos. One-stop shopping is convenient and attractive for us busy moms, but most children really don't fit into any pre-made mold. Experiment, assess, change if necessary, and understand that, no matter what you do, as long as you are passionate about their education and love them with all of your might, you are going to provide them with an excellent learning environment in which to grow into the women and men God means them to be.
There, see now why I couldn't just answer your question with a two-second comment? :) Love ya!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
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