You go girl

What does it mean to be a woman?
What does it mean to be a feminist?
Does it mean you must be pro-choice, pro-gay, pro-change, pro-hillary?
Does it mean you must believe in abandoning your family values for the sake of "making it" in the corporate world?
Does it mean you must give up your enjoyment of nice dresses, fancy shoes, make-up, etc?
Does it mean you have to hate men, control men, ignore men, and then try to be a man?
Does it mean you can't care more about your child than you do about yourself?

No.

I am a feminist.
I have always been a feminist.
I am also a stay-at-home homeschooling mother of four.
I am staunchly pro-life.
I am a conservative born-again Christian.

And I believe in the power of a woman.
I believe a woman can have everything she wants in life.
She can be strong and compassionate.
She can be bold and humble.
She can be deeply committed to her family and work outside the home if she desires.
She can also be deeply devoted to a woman's ability to be anything she wants, and still choose to be a stay-at-home mom.
And, yes, she can be passionate, powerful, and intelligent, and also be beautiful.
A woman can have it all.

I do not vote for my politicians based on whether they will pad my wallet, or their electability, or their popularity, or their age, or their appearance.
I am a moral issues voter.
I always have been, and I always will be.
I vote for my pro-life brothers and sisters, regardless of whether they stand a chance or not.
They are my family. I will entrust my country into the hands of those who I believe have a moral compass pointing north to Jesus Christ.
I will never trust the judgment of an individual who believes it's ok to murder babies.
I vote Pro-life.
I will vote for Sarah Palin this November.
I will vote for Sarah Palin when she runs for re-election in 2012.
And I will vote for Sarah Palin when she runs for president in 2016.

Go Women.
Go God.

Let me Intro-duce myself...

Ok, this is a procrastination post. As in, I have so much to do, and so little desire to do it, that I would rather post on my blog than even begin to tackle it. Just in the interest of full disclosure. *ahem* Yes. Well.

Alright, since I have to actually come up with something to post about, I will talk about Introverts.

A few years back someone told me that they "knew" that I was very shy. Shy? Ok, I thought, perhaps that explains things. But I never really felt shy, per se. Admittedly, I have serious difficulties in social situations. I do not like to interact in group/party situations. I am terrible at small talk. People often simply ignore what I say. I hate to interrupt, and feel like I don't know how to join a conversation without doing so. I forget, um, everything in pressure situations (like my phone number, people's names, my own kids' ages, etc.). I could go on.

I also have a very difficult time on the phone. I hate answering the phone, and dread phone conversations, especially with strangers. I practically break out in a cold sweat when I have to call someone. And again, I get this mind-blank thing where I just don't remember stuff. For example, one time, when I was talking to a car dealer on the phone about possibly getting a car from them, I could not, for the life of me, remember what the make and model of my own car was. I sounded like a complete airhead, I'm sure.

I get completely exhausted by being out and about, too. Grocery shopping kills me. When I come home from errands, I'm basically wiped for the entire rest of the day. And social situations? Like a party or bible study? I may not recover for a couple of days.

Anyway, suffice it to say that I have always felt socially like a fish out of water. I truly believed that there was simply something wrong with me. Like, an imbalance of some type. Low blood pressure, or a social disorder, or something. Well, it turns out I am kind of right. I mean, there isn't something *wrong* with me, but there is something that makes me different from about three quarters of the rest of the world.

I am an introvert.

I have been reading a book called The Introvert Advantage and, as it turns out, all of the things I described above are common occurances for introverts. The mind blank. The exhaustion. The inability to make small talk. The fact that people sometimes ignore what I say. All of it happens to other people, too. It happens to other introverts. We are all alike. I am not a freak, afterall. I was created this way, I am meant to be this way. This is part of my personality, my psychological profile, my physical make up. As much as I was created to be 5'5" with brownish red hair and blue eyes, I was also created as an introvert.

The reason I feel so strange is that three quarters of the world trend towards extroversion. And, worse, because extroverts are the majority, there is also a social bias that extroverts are "good" and introverts are "bad." Think about it. What does society tell you to do to your kids? Push them into large group situations and force them to interact. The "well-adjusted" ones are the ones who are easily able to strike up conversations and make a bunch of friends (extroverts), while the kids with "problems" are the ones who prefer to keep to themselves or just have one or two friends (introverts). "Oh, I wish my daughter was like yours," a mom may say. "Your daughter has such an easy time making friends. I keep telling mine that she just needs to get out there and try more, but she would rather sit by herself and play in the corner. I'm really worried about her."

In fact, there is nothing at all wrong with introverts. We are just different. We work differently, speak differently, have less energy, and think on a much deeper plane. This makes extroverts uncomfortable with us. And, frankly, we feel like there must be something wrong with us, too, because that is what the world, and even our own parents sometimes, communicate to us from the day we are born. Extroverted siblings are better, why can't you be more like them?, wouldn't you be happier if you spent more time with other kids? , it's not healthy to sit inside and read all the time. go play outside with the others., once you just do it, you'll find that you like it., what do you mean, you don't want to go? you really need to be more social. etc. etc. etc. Introverts are made to feel like we are lazy, antisocial, and even snobby, when, in fact, social activity literally exhausts us. We cannot take it for more than a short time. While extroverts actually gain energy from socialization and activity, introverts are drained by it. We need to constantly restore our energy with alone time and quiet time. Extroverts simply cannot understand this as it is so opposite from what they experience. And we introverts don't understand it, either, since most of the world is not like us.

I thank God for this book. I finally understand that I am not alone in how I am. I am a perfectly normal introvert.

I do not agree with the author, however, when she claims that introversion has "advantages." Extroverts have it so much easier. They have more energy. They can do so much more. They have an easy time interacting with others. I wish I could be an extrovert. I am, I admit, asking God why He chose to make me this way. I accept His choice, of course, as one born blind must accept it as well. But I still wish it were different.

Still, for now, it is enough to know that there is a very real reason for the struggles I have and, no, I do not need to just "get out there and socialize more." How I am is how God created me. I will no longer allow anyone to tell me I am just being lazy or shy or whatever. This is who I am. I am an introvert.

101!

Wow, I just realized that my last post was my 100th on this blog! That's kind of hard to believe, since I'm somewhat less than a prolific blogger. Still...
HAPPY 100TH POST!!!!!!!

In other news...
It's also a big day for my parents. Today is their anniversary, um, number, uh, I'm gonna say 35th? Don't shoot me if that's not right. I wasn't around to see the first few...
Anyway, Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!!!

So, how did they celebrate the big day? By bringing me a dishwasher, of course! Yes, they got a new dishwasher and kindly gave us their old one to replace our much older one, and they even delivered it! Wow. I mean, who could ask for anything more?

I strongly suspect there is a small wad of money hidden somewhere in my house now, too. It has been traveling covertly back and forth between their house and mine for weeks now. We had a mild dispute about whether they should accept payment for...something, I don't remember now, but this money I tried to give them somehow ended up back in my purse. I certainly could not let that stand, and returned it to their kitchen table. The rest is history. Even my kids have been dragged into the foray, as dad, amusingly, gave my son the wad with clear instructions not to give it to me until "you are half-way home." Oh yeah, the war is on, buddy. At this point, it is either safely tucked in the Wile-E-Coyote mug on their table or else it is *somewhere* in my house. Hmmm....

Anyway, it is a lovely day today, and I have taken advantage of the lack of rain to attempt to clean up the front of my house. It is amazing how quickly the weeds take over and the bushes get overgrown. Admittedly, such things aren't a very high priority for me, but at some point even I get embarrassed. The kids played in the sprinkler while I attacked the hedge with all my might and a hedge trimmer doohicky. Julia was not quite sure about the sprinkler (funny. Last year she thought it was a blast, but this year she kept shrieking that it was going to "get her wet." Um, yeah, that's kind of the point...). She ended up going in with an umbrella to protect her. It was too cute!!

Now I am taking a little break while the girls sleep. I have been reminded that I rarely blog about anything happy, so I am going to try to give more regular updates about the joys of my life. I know, it's just not as interesting as the bad stuff, is it? :) I will also be adding more pictures from this summer, which are waaaaay overdue, just as soon as they get loaded off of our camera...
Ok, that's all for now! Have a luuvely day!

P.S. oh, BTW, if you've noticed a change in the sorts of dinners I'm posting, it's because I (and subsequently the family) am no longer eating mammals. Reasons in a nutshell: I love them too much (no, not the *flavor* of them, I mean I looove them. sigh), I want to find my way back to some of my earlier convictions and passions, and it's just plain healthier. So, there you go.

Dragon

A dragon lurks inside of me,
Clawing to get out.
It sends out flames to sear your face,
It makes me snap and shout.
Its wings, they long to stretch and flap,
To fly away from here,
To camouflage, escape our chains
And then, to disappear.

A dragon lurks inside of me,
I battle her each day.
She rips my sanity apart,
Blasts patience away.
She wills me to devour my young
With words best left unsaid,
Tears down each pitiful defense
I build within my head.

A dragon lurks inside of me,
She's trying to take control.
I cannot lose this battle,
But she's slipping from my hold.
I need a stronger sword
I need a Knight to wield it for me.
Oh Christ, please help me fend her off
Before she can destroy me.

A dragon lurks inside of me,
I am naught but a shell.
The words I say are really hers.
Perhaps you cannot tell,
But every minute of each day
I am becoming tougher.
My heart, my skin, my words, my deeds,
Are all a little rougher.

A dragon lurks inside of me
So watch out when you're near me,
Behind these eyes the flames that glow
Should cause you all to fear me.
A tongue can be as sharp as steel
And deadly to the hearer,
So watch out for this dragon-girl
Please, don't come any nearer.