Ok, so I had a conversation with this guy the other day, and it has been bothering me ever since. It began innocently enough, each of us pointing out how big the other's children were getting and bemoaning the fact that their childhoods pass so quickly. He said he was sad that his youngest was losing his "baby" face, prompting me to inquire as to whether he and his wife were planning to have any more. "No!" he quickly responded," we feel very strongly about being responsible with the resources we have. We don't want to be irresponsible and have more kids than we can really afford to..." etc. etc. He went on that way for like ten minutes. Well, I thought it was a strange reaction, but I didn't really feel put out about it or anything. Then later, mulling over the details as I tend to do, it struck me. Was he judging me? Was that why he responded so pointedly and dramatically? Was he implying that I and my husband were acting irresponsibly by having too many children?
Now, it's quite possible that his reaction had absolutely nothing to do with me and my family at all. Perhaps this was a conversation he had had a million times before with various others whom he assumed were pressuring him to "have more kids" when he was determined to be done.
It's also possible that he was, in fact, informing me of the general opinion of the neighborhood busybodies as they have discussed our sudden inexplicable growth from a reasonable family of 4 to a bordering-on-insanity party of 6. Most have expressed an assumption that we would quickly leave this home for a much larger one, since we clearly live in a place intended for one, maybe two children (in their opinion). When we have not acceded that point, but rather expressed a preference for remaining here for a little while at least, the general attitude has been one of shock, then sympathy, like, "oh, they can't afford a bigger house." It's therefore not a big leap to think they wait until I walk away to say, "Then, you can't really afford four kids, now can you? tsk tsk, should have stopped at two!"
And then again, maybe that's all in my imagination.
Still, it begs a question. What does it mean, living "responsibly"? Is it more responsible to stop at two kids and be able to afford the nicer cars and the expensive vacations, not to mention saving for their college education and being able to buy them a car and a computer as a graduation present? We will not probably be able to afford to buy those things for our kids now. But is that really what being a "responsible" parent is all about? Having money to buy stuff?
I can tell you, it would have been easy to stop at two. I mean, both the boys were so grown up, we could do just about anything, go just about anywhere. We were getting out of debt, able to afford to do more with them, etc. etc.
But I can also tell you that, outside of the obvious fact of how much my girls mean to me, they have added layers and layers to the lives of my boys, too. They have learned to care for little ones, to love unconditionally, even in the midst of annoyance. They have become so much more mature and less self-focused. They have such joy in their big, boisterous family, and often express a desire for even more kids. Their humanity, their soul, has grown through watching their baby sisters grow and change, first in mommy's womb, and now on a daily basis. I mean, you should have seen how excited they got when Julia first made "stinkies" in the potty! They rejoice in her achievements, and in Jade's achievements, no longer solely concerned with their own. I could seriously go on and on and on about how much they have already gained from having these two little sisters in their lives. God only knows how much more they will receive as the years go on.
So the real question is, does "responsible" really mean living in a world that suburbia would require of us, able to afford the "necessities" for our kids that all the other Joneses have? Or, perhaps, does a truly responsible parent understand the difference between worldly desires and spiritual needs? Wouldn't a reasonable family accept a certain measure of belt-tightening for the sake of the truly awesome experience of allowing God to add to the fabric of our lives another amazing human being?
I don't know. Maybe we didn't make the most "responsible" choice when we brought our two sweet baby daughters into this world. But I definitely believe we made the best choice.
