Ok, this is a procrastination post. As in, I have so much to do, and so little desire to do it, that I would rather post on my blog than even begin to tackle it. Just in the interest of full disclosure. *ahem* Yes. Well.
Alright, since I have to actually come up with something to post about, I will talk about Introverts.
A few years back someone told me that they "knew" that I was very shy. Shy? Ok, I thought, perhaps that explains things. But I never really felt shy, per se. Admittedly, I have serious difficulties in social situations. I do not like to interact in group/party situations. I am terrible at small talk. People often simply ignore what I say. I hate to interrupt, and feel like I don't know how to join a conversation without doing so. I forget, um, everything in pressure situations (like my phone number, people's names, my own kids' ages, etc.). I could go on.
I also have a very difficult time on the phone. I hate answering the phone, and dread phone conversations, especially with strangers. I practically break out in a cold sweat when I have to call someone. And again, I get this mind-blank thing where I just don't remember stuff. For example, one time, when I was talking to a car dealer on the phone about possibly getting a car from them, I could not, for the life of me, remember what the make and model of my own car was. I sounded like a complete airhead, I'm sure.
I get completely exhausted by being out and about, too. Grocery shopping kills me. When I come home from errands, I'm basically wiped for the entire rest of the day. And social situations? Like a party or bible study? I may not recover for a couple of days.
Anyway, suffice it to say that I have always felt socially like a fish out of water. I truly believed that there was simply something wrong with me. Like, an imbalance of some type. Low blood pressure, or a social disorder, or something. Well, it turns out I am kind of right. I mean, there isn't something *wrong* with me, but there is something that makes me different from about three quarters of the rest of the world.
I am an introvert.
I have been reading a book called The Introvert Advantage and, as it turns out, all of the things I described above are common occurances for introverts. The mind blank. The exhaustion. The inability to make small talk. The fact that people sometimes ignore what I say. All of it happens to other people, too. It happens to other introverts. We are all alike. I am not a freak, afterall. I was created this way, I am meant to be this way. This is part of my personality, my psychological profile, my physical make up. As much as I was created to be 5'5" with brownish red hair and blue eyes, I was also created as an introvert.
The reason I feel so strange is that three quarters of the world trend towards extroversion. And, worse, because extroverts are the majority, there is also a social bias that extroverts are "good" and introverts are "bad." Think about it. What does society tell you to do to your kids? Push them into large group situations and force them to interact. The "well-adjusted" ones are the ones who are easily able to strike up conversations and make a bunch of friends (extroverts), while the kids with "problems" are the ones who prefer to keep to themselves or just have one or two friends (introverts). "Oh, I wish my daughter was like yours," a mom may say. "Your daughter has such an easy time making friends. I keep telling mine that she just needs to get out there and try more, but she would rather sit by herself and play in the corner. I'm really worried about her."
In fact, there is nothing at all wrong with introverts. We are just different. We work differently, speak differently, have less energy, and think on a much deeper plane. This makes extroverts uncomfortable with us. And, frankly, we feel like there must be something wrong with us, too, because that is what the world, and even our own parents sometimes, communicate to us from the day we are born. Extroverted siblings are better, why can't you be more like them?, wouldn't you be happier if you spent more time with other kids? , it's not healthy to sit inside and read all the time. go play outside with the others., once you just do it, you'll find that you like it., what do you mean, you don't want to go? you really need to be more social. etc. etc. etc. Introverts are made to feel like we are lazy, antisocial, and even snobby, when, in fact, social activity literally exhausts us. We cannot take it for more than a short time. While extroverts actually gain energy from socialization and activity, introverts are drained by it. We need to constantly restore our energy with alone time and quiet time. Extroverts simply cannot understand this as it is so opposite from what they experience. And we introverts don't understand it, either, since most of the world is not like us.
I thank God for this book. I finally understand that I am not alone in how I am. I am a perfectly normal introvert.
I do not agree with the author, however, when she claims that introversion has "advantages." Extroverts have it so much easier. They have more energy. They can do so much more. They have an easy time interacting with others. I wish I could be an extrovert. I am, I admit, asking God why He chose to make me this way. I accept His choice, of course, as one born blind must accept it as well. But I still wish it were different.
Still, for now, it is enough to know that there is a very real reason for the struggles I have and, no, I do not need to just "get out there and socialize more." How I am is how God created me. I will no longer allow anyone to tell me I am just being lazy or shy or whatever. This is who I am. I am an introvert.
