Joshua is ten years old today. He is officially in that hard to define area between childhood and teenager. I know him so well, yet somehow I wonder if I really know him at all. I can pick out exactly the perfect gifts for him, I know just how to prepare his lunch, I could spot a piece of clothing he would like out of a rack of a hundred he'd hate. But, still, he is changing.
Today I presented him with a large pin to wear to play practice declaring "Today is my birthday!" in bold letters. Yes, I know, many kids would rather be caught dead than wear such a thing in public, but not Joshie. He loves attention, he adores feeling special and having others compliment and single him out. And yet. Tonight he didn't want to wear it. Oh, he would have worn it, because he's still my Joshie, who never wants to hurt my feelings. But I could see in his eyes that he didn't want to wear it. Not one bit. So I told him he didn't have to, and he gratefully tore it off, grinning as he waved and ran off with his brother. My Joshie is changing.
Yes, it was just a pin, but there are so many other little things, all pointing to the undeniable truth that my Joshua, MY Joshua, is growing up. And I have to wonder, how much longer will he sit and talk with me on the couch about everything and nothing, about Bionicles and theology and all in between? How much longer will he love me with that unconditional devotion and unquestioning loyalty? When will the talks turn to fights, the eyes turn downward and away, the hat fall lower until I can't even see his sweet face anymore?
I will lose him. For a time. I have to accept this. I have to hope and pray that someday I will get him back. With wife and kids in tow, most likely. He is such a treasure, I am sure he will make someone an amazing husband and Dad.
But I am getting ahead of myself. Today, he only turned ten. And he looked at me, right in the eyes, to thank me for the great birthday presents, hat cocked askew on his forehead, lopsided grin on his still-boyish face. Then he hugged me. And, I admit, today I held him a bit longer, a bit closer, than I did yesterday.
3 comments:
Ah! Are you trying to make me cry??! Happy birthday Joshua! We love you! Our gift (ahem) is late, but we still love you! And that was beautiful Jess. Love that boy and all the others. They are only with us for a short time, that is for sure!
Very sweet baby....They are getting so old so fast...I have been noticing their maturity!!!!Put a cement block on their head ..maybe that will slow them down.......love you Joshua!!!...Grandma
Okay, yeah, so I'm teary-eyed. Whatever. Doesn't make me any less tough. So shut up.
Every time I see pictures of the boys, I CAN'T BELIEVE how much taller or thinner or more mature looking they are. And they're such great kids, Jess. You've been very blessed. It's nice to read that you have such a godly and wise attitude toward it all in kind.
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