Day one. What am I, nuts?

Ok, so this is not the sort of blog that, say, my sister, my mother-in-law, or any other reasonable person I know would do. (Ok, I personally wouldn't call my mother-in-law reasonable, but some people would.) It's not a family update blog or an opinion blog or a how's-my-day-been blog or whatever. It will be some of each of these, and a little of something else. Mainly, it will be a look into that frightening place that is my inner me. Oooh, ick, I know. Who wants to see the inner anybody? Not really a top desire today. I personally would rather stick my hand into a blender than to see the inner feelings of, say, my mother-in-law. So, feel free not to bother reading. I just feel like having an online diary. And if you know me and decide after reading whatever drivel comes out of my head that I am, in fact, nuts, well, it took you long enough to figure that one out, didn't it!

So, on with the show.

Today, and for the past several weeks, I have been struggling with my decision to send my oldest son to school. I am a homeschooler and have homeschooled him and his younger brother for about 5 years now. He will be entering fourth grade at a local public school in Fayetteville. Why am I putting him in? Well, the reasons are unclear, even to me. My husband is convinced that it is to make my life easier, since we're about to have our fourth child (which is about two more than we really ever expected to have). I suppose in some ways it will make my life easier to only be homeschooling one child rather than two, but this isn't really why I'm doing it. It could be because I think he needs some friends, which he does, and that he needs more of an outlet for his social and creative sides, which he also does. But that's now quite right, either.

Basically, I think the reason that is at the core of me (since this is a blog about my inner self, afterall) is that I think that I'm terrible at this homeschooling thing and am afraid of completely screwing him up.

Why, you may then ask, am I not putting my other son into school as well? Well, that would be because another part of me is terrified that sending them to school is the wrong choice and that it will, in fact, completely screw them up. Thus, by sending one and keeping the other I (presumably) will at least save one of them from being completely screwed up. Yeah. That's right. I'm a loon.

So basically they now have a 50/50 chance of being completely screwed up. Of course, one may point out that with such a wacky mother, those odds are probably a little closer to 90/10.